I read long ago of a survey in which managers were asked what they wanted more of. The most popular response was “more autonomy”. The second most popular response was “more control over others around me”. There probably is not much of a surprise even though they seem contradictory. Most of us want more control. Control over the decisions of the company and our bosses. Control over the government. The neighbors. The other drivers. Control over Everything.
I get stressed when others are telling me how to do my job especially if I don’t think it is the best way. When my calendar gets full of others’ events leaving little time for me get done the things I need or want to do, I get irritated. Too much stuff on my table makes me feel as if my life gets spinning out of control.
The flipside isn’t much different. When people don’t take my suggestions, it bothers me especially if it is going to affect my work. When people do something that gets in my way, I get frustrated. When my children do something I have told them a hundred times to do or not do and they go out and do the opposite, I want to pull my hair out.
However, I have been working on it lately. The biggest thing that has helped is to recognize that I control nothing except how I feel and respond to others’ behaviors. And also my role demands that I do what the job needs and not always what I may prefer. This is what spiritual guides call “acceptance”. How many times have I heard something like,”The wind has broken many a tree while the reed bends and survives the harshest of storms.” Or as the cowboy sensei might say,” It is easier to ride the horse the direction it is going.” Pithy AND wise!
A second realization is know that getting angry never helps. And that goes for its cousins, resentment and indignation. Anger stinks up a room: people may not mention it but they sure know it is there. Anger clouds thinking, prevents positive action, wastes time and makes us and others miserable. And for those mature enough to reflect on their own attitudes and behaviors, it results in a hangover of shame.
Developing patience has been helpful to take the sting out of situations that aren’t turning out the way I want. It helps to view all things as connected and things unknown need to happen before other things fall into place. Everything does not happen the way I want it to nor at my pace. Sometimes the water gets muddied and no amount of effort will speed its settling. In these cases, it is best for me to ask myself if I have done all that I can on my part. Then let it go.
I don’t control anything but myself. Anger never helps. Patience.
I feel better already!
