May every day be Thanksgiving

My wife told me this morning that Thanksgiving is her favorite holiday. When I asked her why, she said it has all the joy and none of the stress and work of Christmas. (She reminded that women bear most of the burden of preparing for Christmas.) I think Thanksgiving is mine, too, because I like the idea of having a day to remind us that gratitude is the center of a fulfilled life.

We all know people who always seem to be happy.  It’s not that their lives are without problems; it’s that they are not overwhelmed by them.  And we know people who never seem to be happy.  When I think of these folks, it seems like “thank you” and “I’m sorry” aren’t a big part of their vocabulary.  So what’s the biggest difference between the two groups?  The common trait amongst the “happy” ones is that they exude an overall sense of gratitude.

Philosophers and scientists agree.  All good things come from an attitude of gratitude. It is the single most important predictor of “happiness” as measured by a sense of well-being, less stress, ability to handle problems, not blaming others and themselves, contentedness, and most likely lead to acts of cooperation, kindness and generosity. In short, gratitude is the champagne of emotions.

Having a sense of gratitude is the center of most religions.  As a child I thought it was because God demanded it (which confused me in that why would an all-powerful god need compliments?)  I have realized that I missed the point – my gratitude is a gift to me!

Lucky for us, there are ways to develop gratitude.  In a study, scientists determined the quickest way and most intense spike in “happiness” came from a “gratitude visit” which involved writing and delivering a letter of gratitude to someone.  A more lasting impact was found by having participants keep a journal each day of three things that they are grateful for and  to try to avoid repetition.  The “happiness” scores peaked at about six months and many participants continued on their own.

So I guess there is a lot of wisdom in “counting our blessings”.  Here’s one sure way that helps me realize I have so much more to be grateful for: prepare a paper with two columns.  Title the left column “Things I have but don’t want” (e.g. this ugly mole on my forehead) and the right one “Things I don’t have that I don’t want” (e.g., an ugly cancerous mole on my forehead!).  The right column is a lot longer and worse than the left one.

May you and yours have a joyous and grateful Thanksgiving!

The back end of the shovel

My first ever summertime job was digging ditches. It was a great job: working with grownups, making $1.00 an hour, working shirtless outside in the Texas sun and getting a fantastic tan (we didn’t know about UVA or UVB, melanoma or looking like a prune when you’re 50!).

I learned a lot that summer. I learned about the honor in work, the satisfaction of a job well done, the way men talked around each other, the different ways the “new kid” is treated (ignored, hazed or mentored) and the simple joy of quitting time (and payday).  

One day while digging, I noticed the foreman standing over to the side watching me.  Wanting to impress the boss, I began to dig like a demon.  My arms were flailing and I soon became surrounded in a cloud of dust. 

As I paused to regain my breath, the foreman, Bob, ambled over and said, “Randy, you’re really working hard, but you haven’t dug much of a hole for all the effort you’ve put in. You’re in so much of a hurry that you’re only filling up the front-end of the shovel. If you would slow down and focus on filling the BACK end of the shovel, the front end will take care of itself.”

Every time I find myself getting caught up in things, I’m reminded of these wise words. If I want good performance, I need to focus instead on the people who will deliver the results. That is, I need to focus on making them successful rather than hammering them on “the numbers.”  If I want people to treat our customers and each other with respect, I need to set a model for them by treating them and everyone else with respect. If I’m worried about what might happen in the future, I need to do something today that will prevent it. Or if I have no control, I shouldn’t waste time by stressing and worrying about it.

Bob had no idea of the lesson he taught me that day. If he would have known that he was going to be quoted 40 years later, he probably would have been more succinct and used an earthy Texas axiom: It’s easier to clean up after the dog than to keep swatting flies.