Life lessons from playing golf with a friend

I am a terrible golfer.  But I am a tremendous optimist, too.  That is the only reason I have to explain why I continue to play.  I used to be self-conscious about how I played until I played with a friend of mine, Tom Ross, at his country club.

It was a glorious summer day on the kind of golf course people dream of playing on.  It was the kind of place that feels like it is better than you. (It was sort of like my first time in a Starbucks: this place is a lot hipper than I.) So feeling out of place from the start, I felt extra pressure to play well.  After a few shots my discomfort became obvious to my host. As we walked up the fairway, he told me,”You seem very concerned about how you are playing and maybe embarrassed that you are not playing as well as the others.” Boy, that was an understatement! 

He continued,”You need to remember something: Nobody is worrying about YOUR golf game.  They are worrying about THEIR golf game. So don’t spend time thinking about them, just focus on what you are doing.”

Shazam! Truer words have never been spoken!  And not just about golf!  How many times have I worried about how I look at the gym next to the “hard bodies” or if my car is exotic enough as I drive up to a fancy restaurant or if people will think I am a hayseed if I take a picture in a restaurant and so on?  From that day forward, I developed whole new attitude about situations when I am feeling out of place: I am going to focus on MY golf game and not worry about what others might be thinking about it.

Tom had more wise words to say that day.  His first advice changed my view of myself in uncomfortable situations. The second piece of advice was not just true about golf, it is true about life: “If you don’t get angry, play by the rules and keep up, you can play with anyone.”

Fear is selfishness

I was at an industry event recently and one of the speakers was Eric Boles, who began his career in the NFL and has been an executive coach for the last few years.  He told a story about one of his first games as a rookie that says a lot about human nature. Drafted as a wide receiver, Eric was first assigned to the kick-off team where his job as the fastest man on the team was to run down field as fast as he could and breakup the opponents’ “wedge” that would be forming to protect the kick-off returner.

In his first game, he was full of rookie enthusiasm as he lined up on the kick-off. As soon as the kicker’s foot touched the ball, he blasted down the speed at full tilt.  As he headed down field, he saw the opposing wedge being formed by players who outweighed him by 20 to 40 pounds and who were headed at him at almost an equal speed.  His enthusiasm was overcome by an instant of rational thought: this was not likely to going to turn out well for him.

So he decided at the last moment not to hit the wedge straight on but instead go around it and use his speed to catch the returner from behind.  Luckily, he did just that.  He rose from the tackle in self-congratulatory exultation and was greeted by his teammates’ high five’s as he returned to the sidelines. He felt pretty good about himself.

That feeling lasted until the next day when the special teams coach was reviewing game film with the team.  As Eric watched himself run downfield in slow motion, the coach told everyone to play close attention to Eric’s performance. He said,”Notice how Eric fails to do his job and runs around the wedge.  By doing so, no one else on the team could do their job.  As a result, the tackle was made on the 45 yardline rather than back on the 20 yardline putting them close to field goal range which they ended up making. I am sure all of you remember that we lost by a field goal.”

And then he focused on Eric, he said,”If I could send you home today I would. This team cannot afford selfish players and what you did was selfish.  It was not the seeking of glory of making the tackle that made you show your selfishess.  It was your fear of hitting the wedge. It was your fear that kept you from doing what was necessary. Fear is selfishness. You were more concerned about yourself than the needs of your teammates who counted on you.”

I wonder how I would fare in that darkened room if we were reviewing my life on a game film. Probably a lot worse than I like to think. I’ll try to remember who is counting on me the next time I am tempted to run around the wedge. Wish me a good game!