Focus!

The magician, David Copperfield, recently hosted an in-flight movie about how the brain deals with the thousands of bits of information it is bombarded with constantly. Scientists have noted one of the key traits we have as humans is to focus on one set of data, thought, or sense while tuning out all others.  This has helped us survive whether it be chasing down prey in prehistoric times or diffusing the ticking bomb on a McGiver re-run. We use the ability unconscious throughout the day. It allows us to tune out the background noise in a restaurant background so that we can have a conversation.  It is not so helpful watching TV when we become aware that dim buzz in the background is our spouse speaking to us.

Our brains cannot consciously process two things at once but instead relies on switching from one item to another. This trait has been long used by magicians (and pickpockets) in creating distractions to pull rabbits out of hats, remove the watch from our wrists, and put the pea in the unexpected shell.

This all came together in understanding ‘multi-tasking”, something many claim to do. I was always amazed to find my daughter listening to music while she did her homework while carrying on multiple “chats” with her friends. Not that we are much different. Before technology, we already had a long list of crazy things to do while driving - reading a newspaper, shaving, putting on make-up. Now we’ve added texting, watching movies, talking on the phone and web surfing to it.

In the documentary, scientists found a man in Sweden renowned for multi-tasking. To test his ability, the man was placed in a driving simulator with challenging road conditions and was given simple arithmetic problems (e.g., 2+3-1) and words (e.g.,“mouse”) to remember. Watching the experiment, I had no problem doing the arithmetic and remembered most of the words. But I wasn’t driving! The renowned multi-tasker got three arithmetic answers correct and could only remember one word.

The conclusion: There is no such thing as “multi-tasking”. Were it not already a medical condition, a more suitable name for “multi-tasking” might be “attention deficiency”.  I don’t know if I suffer from a physiological condition or if I am getting increasingly mentally lazy. But a word that my wife and I are increasingly telling each other these days is “focus!”. I am probably not alone.

What we mean to each other

My friend, Jim, called me last week and he told me he is stopping the treatment of his cancer and switching to home-administered hospice care.  Most would not even have known he has been fighting it for ten years.  He has never made a big deal of it and probably told people that he doesn't want to burden people with his problems about it.

Although we have worked together professionally over these years, he also has become a close personal friend.  I am proud to be considered his friend.  Aside from our working relationship, some of the best laughter has come in our times together.  Now our connection is only personal and means much to me.  I will miss his wisdom – not just knowing things, but knowing what is true – his gentleness and his counsel. 

Those of us who remain often miss the chance to say what someone means to us before they are gone, whether it be from the job, from our lives or from this world.  I wish I had told people what they meant to me but never had the chance to.  We never know for sure if we make a difference. And the greatest satisfaction comes from believing that we do.

After the news, we met and talked openly about our friendship – of how we have impacted each other, what we admired, what we will miss.  Oddly, the most rewarding part of the conversation was not hearing what I meant to him; it was telling him what he means to me.  It was if it were all bottled up inside and needed to get out. Expressing unconditional gratitude and acknowledging our human connection are amongst our greatest gifts.  And the greatest joy is in the giving, not the receiving. Thank goodness I did not let my tendency to avoid painful topics cause me to miss the moment.

The facts are what they are and to avoid them for "social convention" would be to deny reality around the most focused part of our lives – when we’re about to leave this earthly world behind– those we love and who loves us, our friends, our work. 

I went to a meeting once about "dealing with the death of a loved one".  Surprisingly, the teaching started with dealing with our own death and how we would like to be treated. It made me consider what would be meaningful to me in that situation: honesty and compassion without platitudes. How different it would be, were it like that always.