Vanity and fear

In response to my Sept. 22 blog about the most common mistakes managers make, there were a lot of requests for the "top ten" list that I mentioned. Rather than rely on just one article, I did some research among a variety of different sources to see if there's a consensus around the most common bad traits of managers. I searched for "bad bosses," which returned millions of references -- it seems bad bosses don't limit themselves to just ten bad behaviors.

The list seemed limitless: negativity...withholding information...speaking in anger...putting down others...ignoring people...playing favorites...sarcastic...refusing to apologize...critiquing others...needing to be the "smartest"...failing to give recognition...claiming credit...making excuses...commenting destructively...clinging to the past...not listening...failing to express gratitude...punishing the messenger...passing the buck...control freak...loves "brown-nosers"...taking credit for others' work...changing deadlines or directions frequently...bullying...breaking promises...procrastinating...over-delegating.

I'm sure you can add ten others.

As I thought about these behaviors and my own bad moments, I noticed most are rooted in one of two underlying causes. The first is vanity, the focus on the self to the exclusion of others: I'm smarter...I'm more important...my priorities come first...my thinking is clearer...I'm more deserving than others...my knowledge is more extensive...I'm more dedicated.

And then there's vanity's flipside: fear. Fear that I'll fail...fear that I'll look bad...fear that I'll lose power or position...fear that I won't be heard or appreciated...fear that I'll be ignored or forgotten...fear of not being respected...fear that I'll be found out for the fraud that I am.

It's easy to see vanity or fear reflected in the specific bad behaviors mentioned above. They sit patiently and quietly, but they're always there. Acknowledging them and knowing how they raise their ugly heads in our attitudes, decisions and behaviors are the first steps in controlling them. It's a lifelong struggle for most of us. While my best side may not always prevail, I just hope it does more than it used to.