Our Blind Spots

Last winter, Marshall Goldsmith, the author of “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There” (recently recommended by Kermit on Greg’s blog) came to talk to us about improving our effectiveness.  The premise of his book is that the easiest way to increase our effectiveness is to stop doing things that get in the way rather than to try to learn a whole new set of behaviors.

The top of the list was the amount of time everyone would free up if they just stopped complaining about others or bragging on themselves.  He included other behaviors that we would be better off without:

1.   The need to win in every situation whether or not it is important

2.   Adding our two cents to every discussion

3.   Judging others according to “our” standards

4.   Needless sarcastic and cutting remarks to make us look witty

5.   Starting with “No”, “But” or “However” which is code for “I’m right, you”re wrong”

6.   Showing the world how smart we are

7.   Speaking when we are angry

8.  “Let me show you how that won’t work” even when we are not asked

9.   Making excuses for our annoying behaviors or worse:

10. Exalting our bad behaviors as virtues because they’re “who we are”

11. Blaming everyone but ourselves

As we read through the list, our first thoughts are likely about how we’ve seen these in others. However, most of us will admit to some of these ourselves.  A few will admit they are a problem for us. Even still fewer will do something about it. And even if we do, others around us are slow to notice the change.  To expedite the process, he suggested that we pick a behavior we’d like to drop, tell those around us that we are working on it and that we would pay them $5 every time they noticed us doing it again.

As an example, he told us that any person in the room who made a negative or sarcastic comment or started with “however” or “but” would have to throw $5 into the kitty for charity. Even though we were forewarned, we ended up with over $300 on the table.

This may be an indication that we are slow learners. More likely, our habits are so ingrained that we are unaware of them.  Although painful to hear it sometimes, we are fortunate to have people around who care for us enough to point out our rough edges. To my spouse, my friends and the occasional stranger who pointed out when I was being a jerk, thank you. To all those who didn’t, I wish you had and I apologize for my poor behavior.  And to those around me now, please do. I need your help.